(165-6) H reflects on her favorite things in Mali - "where you spent time greeting and joking rather than avoiding others because of a busy schedule."
H and John plan to take M to the US
(167-8) M thought she rode on the outside of the plane and feared going
(170) I still think John is two-dimensional at best - while it is important to describe characters, the most important characters need to be round
(170-3) M's boss comes in one night to tell the village M should receive her own money - this was due to H's pressure - M is happy but i still feel the objective of making M a real person who I should care about falls just short, barely
(175) Packer: "A tinge of jealousy whipped through me and I thought of someone else working with Monique."
(180) "I savored the feeling of being here, of knowing this place" REWRITE - I knew this place, I thought. I will miss it.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
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